so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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