New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
