Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
