apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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