I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
