I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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