You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
