and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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