your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize