I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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