I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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