You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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