I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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