Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.