I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.