We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?