Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration