Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?