It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
