my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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