I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize