between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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