here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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