i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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