there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
