Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Randomize
