Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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