Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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