but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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