I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize