I'm so fucking centered right now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
