Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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