just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
