just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
