I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
