i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
