I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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