We need to start having sex underwater more often.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
