She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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