You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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