I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
FUCK WHALES
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
