my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
