You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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