So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
