Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
