Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
