Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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