conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
