He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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