she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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