Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
