you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
