My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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