Yo dont text me then not text me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
