I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
